User:Murgh/Goat Soup Syntax Rupture

Overview

The Goat Soup Syntax Rupture -normally preceded by adjectives such as "devastating", "calamitous", "cataclysmic", "epochal", or "humiliating", to emphasize the magnitude of the event- ranks among the most significant occurrences of the modern Galactic Era.

This temporal marker separates the rigid, deterministic and predictable state of reality of the Pre-Soup Period, and the mercurial, whimsical and frequently nonsensical tone of the Post-Rupture Aftermath. Reality as it was perceived by galactic citizens was never again the same.

The Rupture

The catalyst

The event was not precipitated by an invading armada or natural disaster, but by all accounts, a fairly primitive data hack to the GalCop Central Mainframe (or Directive Economic & Environmental Monitor, DEEM). A precise and surgical injection of rogue code targeted DEEM's procedural ability to express descriptors and left it in a state of perpetual overflow. This sudden blow rendered the mainframe in a permanent "silly" state, limiting the data output to a predetermined vocabulary, rendering the output into a syntax that the observer could no longer interpret as authoritative.

Of the greatest consequence to Galactic life, an ordinary planetary system description, once factual listings of features, were no longer neutral and analytical, but irrevocably locked in a mode of illogical brevity.

Effects

Changes in the DEEM data output were immediately visible. The first observations of sentences such as, "This planet is famous for its exotic goat soup but ravaged by the mating rituals of lethal spotted yaks" left the galactic user population stunned. While the planetary description data was altered into truncated and nonsensical text, this was merely a surface symptom.

Outrage across all sectors of the galaxy over the "new GalCop planetary classifications".

Deviation code exposure

It followed that an underlying non-public DEEM code had been pushed to the surface and exposed in its altered form. The various planetary systems' "Deviation code" covertly generated during "the Great Standardization" and crucially impacting the classification of approximately 48% of the GalCop member civilizations, was previously invisible on the standard civilian user interface. At this moment, that changed.

The affected systems were no longer listed as standardized GalCop Member Planets, in fact no longer classified as human at all, but denigrated as Birds, Felines, Frogs, Insects, Lizards, Lobsters, Rodents or Humanoids, often preceded by defamatory adjectives such as furry, fat, slimy and bug-eyed. None of the affected systems took this lightly.

Responses

Damage

Scientists and engineers tasked with system restoration were soon surprised that it was not as simple as initially believed. They arrived at the analysis that DEEM had been rendered to a permanent state of "Recursive Logic Dysphasia", and all conventional methods of repair appeared to reset or worsen this condition. Furthermore, the damage was manifest in such a way that DEEM would itself resist any intervention, and continue to attempt "to heal itself" through expressions of absurd levity.

The GalCop Restoration Panel faced a binary choice:

1. Expeditious Deactivation: Erasing millennia of collected galactic data and analysis, essentially the sum of humanity's knowledge, and consequently certainly ushering the species into a new era of barbarity.
2. Operational Tolerance: Accepting the semantic degradation and maintaining operational continuity, despite the erratic output.

It was the panel's final recommendation that DEEM be allowed to continue to perform its duties, and continue to tell its "jokes."

Responsibility

Although surveillance analysis had previously flagged the resistance group The Mnemonic Fraction, only token precautions had been taken by GalCop command, ranking the dissidents only as a Class 3 Nuisance. The mainframe Intrusion Countermeasure Protocols were (understandably) believed to be of the utmost state-of-the-art and no previous efforts of sabotage had ever come close to classify as a credible threat.

The inquest that followed concluded that in hindsight, the GalCop command had underestimated the Mnemonic Fraction and their elusive leader Gladous Masda.

Public statement

After an unprecedented extended period of communications blackout, a statement was finally released from the GalCop Bureau of Clarification. It aimed to "acknowledge" the semantic irregularity currently affecting the text-based output of the Central Mainframe, while simultaneously denying its reality. From the proclamation:

Citizens may notice archaic biological metaphors (e.g., "Rodents," "Lizards," "Slimy") appearing in system descriptions. Please be advised: These descriptors do not represent official GalCop diplomatic policy but reflect the anti-civic values of the anarcho-terrorist cell "The Mnemonic Fraction".

While our engineers work to purge this vandalism, we urge citizens not to misinterpret these corrupted data strings. Be advised that:

The descriptor "Fat" is a corrupted translation of high-yielding resource allocation.

The descriptor "Slimy" is a corrupted translation of fluid bureaucratic efficiency.

The descriptor "Lizard" is a corrupted translation of reasoned, rational governance.

An exhaustive list of "corrected" definitions followed for a protracted duration. The statement concluded:

To take offense at this language is to play into the hands of these socially malignant terrorists. While they claim to fight for a free galaxy, they endanger the galactic economy and risk putting billions of citizens in danger of poverty and starvation. Due to the uniquely virulent nature of this virus, a full system reboot would result in a total collapse of the credit exchange market. Therefore, the current descriptive text will remain in place indefinitely until a safe patch can be synthesized.

We ask for your patience. We ask for your obedience. Remember: A Standardized Galaxy is a Safe Galaxy.