Mission One - FAQ

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Captain Curruthers
from Library's PAD

Space recently spoke with Captain Curruthers of Her Imperial Majesty’s Space Navy.

How does one get the first mission?

One does not “get” anything from Her Imperial Majesty’s Space Navy. One may however be invited to assist in expediting certain matters once one has reached a requisite level of skill.

By “level of skill” you mean slaughter, murder and mayhem in the space-lanes?

HIMSN would never condone that sort of behaviour from any Commander. However when one is looking for certain qualities one rarely questions how they were attained.

Is that ethical?

When did you last question the background of the chap that fitted your Military Laser or the lass who installed your Galatic Hyperdrive? Do you care if they gained their experience outfitting pirate fleets? Of course not. You just want the things to do what they’re supposed to do when you need ‘em.

So you don’t care whether a Commander is clean, offender or a fugitive?

Let me put it this way, HIMSN is not in the habit of hiring rock hermits, ninnies, nincompoops or girl’s blouses.

So there’s no chance of us ever getting a mission then? (Question submitted by Commanders Ninny, Nincompoop and Girlsblouse.)


What about peaceable miners and rock hermits? (Question submitted by the Peaceable Miners and Rock Hermits Association.)

As they’re unlikely to have built up the requisite skill-set, they’re unlikely to be asked. But if we ever lose our rockery or if someone makes off with the herbaceous border no doubt they’ll hear from us right away.

Ah! So the mission has something to do with you losing something!

I never said that.

But you suggested...

No I didn't!!

Very well then. Moving on. There have been some criticisms in the past of the military not providing enough information or updates about the progress of certain missions. How does this one rate?

HIMSN is not in the business of hand-holding. We relay information as and when it is received, and only then. If you don’t receive an update when you dock, then we simply have no new information. If you need hand-holding I suggest you hire a nanny.

What about the time factor? Does a Commander have to sell his/her cargo, mortgage his Escape Pod and commence the mission immediately?

Not at all. When we request civilian assistance it’s on the understanding that time is not critical. Indeed, it may take a Commander some little time to assemble the... ah... necessary equipment.

Some Commanders claim they’ve been unable to locate the final objective of this mission.

That’s not my information. From what I’ve heard you’ve only to Witchspace into [information restricted] for the [information restricted] to be on you before you can count to ten.

Count to ten?

I believe it goes one... two... three... four...

Others complain it disappears after only a brief encounter.

Well follow the blighter! What the devil do you think a Witchspace drive is for?

There’s been some criticism of the recompense for this mission, a mission that often involves expensive upgrades as well as putting the Commander in great personal danger. How do you react to that?

We of course recognise those factors and are not unappreciative of the effort involved. The recompense made is merely a modest token of that appreciation. Commanders should realise that successfully completing the mission brings them to the attention of the HIMSN hierarchy. The chaps and chapesses back at HQ will sit up and take notice, follow their careers with interest, keep their eyes and ears open for signs of progress, if you catch my drift.

Does that mean they may be singled out for further missions?

No comment.


© Space: First for News Across Eight Galaxies


Note that the spelling of Captain Curruther's name varies between Classic Elite, Oolite, fiction and oxp's between Carruthers & Curruthers. Oolite eventually settled for the "u" version (as in BBC Elite)!


See User:Cody for the download link for the .pdf.