Fer-de-Lance (Rough Guide)
Some say, it runs on the tears of rival ship designers, and that in ship-spotters, it can induce spontaneous orgasms. It is, already, a legend, an icon, an enigma. The Asp Mk II is faster, the Cobra Mk III is tougher but the Fer de Lance is smooth. So smooth it could give lessons to smooth and not even bother charging. Even when you overtake one of these things, it just smiles at you... like you're a fool.
Everything about it is just delightful. The dashboard is made of Laenian walnut, the seats of Baerelian wolf leather, it's ergonomics adapt to the pilot like it knows your genetic code... which it does. The Living quarters are positively palatial. Even with The StOog pulling stunt moves like his life depended on it, here in the back you could be bathing in Gerelian Sloths milk and think you were still docked.
While it's true that it may cost more than the gross productivity of a poor industrial, it is worth every deci-credit. The three energy banks charge faster than a Keronian financial advisor. The viewscreen on the bridge adjusts so well to stellar glare that you hardly notice... the star. No, sorry, it just isn't there. Even when sunskimming with your fuel scoops... standard issue, and firing up the fuel injectors... standard issue, it barely gets above 'toasty' thanks to your standard issue heat shielding. You just don't want to leave this ship because, the truth is... you're far cooler when your in one.
The ship pulls the girls, the boys, the hermaphrodites and even the celibate. The female voice of the computer is so magnetic that I think I'm in love. I'm told that the male voice is even better, but I can't bear to turn off the female one - it would be like killing your dreams. You could drape the most gorgeous model on the body of this ship and hot-blooded members of the opposite sex would be telling them to get out of the way. It is, quite simply, perfect. And that's the problem...
After reports of early models falling into the hands of pirates, the speed of the standard model has been capped. It can still move but no longer like a greased Xaelian vicious monkey in the mating season. Engineers tell me that it breaks their hearts to see what's under the hood of one of these things and not be able to do anything about the GalCop Thrust Compensater that clings to the main drive unit like a Lethal Brandy drinker clings to his bottle. This ship is so finely tuned that many shipyards just don't have the facilities to service it properly, and when they do, it is painstaking work for the mechanics and agonising for the bank account.
Despite all of this, piloting one of these things remains a joy beyond compare... unless that is, you've flown one of the original, uncapped models. Then it is a sad, sad recollection of a lost love.
The Fer de Lance... Heartbreaker.
From the archives of Top HyperGear, a report by Gennedy QuarkSun.
Pages in the Rough Guide to the Ooniverse.
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